A photo of you
I have always loved pictures and everything about them. I love capturing the beauty of a moment, forever frozen in time. I love looking at pictures, seeing them, feeling the emotion attached to the memory from the photographer’s perspective, learning about a subject by studying their face, their body language.
It is sometimes hard to see photos of you. It reminds me of how close we once were. It is strange to look at a new photo of you, old friend. It is strange to realize how time changes everything. It feels wrong to have to study you, to re-learn you, a person I once knew better than myself. Those pictures bring all kinds of memories and emotions flooding over me. The pictures bring me back to a time when I knew you. I’m remembering you the way only I can remember you, the way I will forever have you memorized in my mind.
I remember when you were mine. I used to study you. I used to draw you. I used to watch you sleep, studying your peaceful face, praying I would never forget that moment. After all this time, I never have. I think back to those times, those years we spent together. It makes me need to write.
It is strange to write about you now. it feels forbidden and mischievous. It feels wrong to remember and to pretend life was good then. But everything happens for a reason right? We are both where we are meant to be. We were never made for one another. Perhaps we just faked it so long we convinced ourselves.
I don’t miss you, but I miss the simplicity of that time. I miss drawing you, and studying you face while you dream. I miss knowing you the way no one else did. And I wonder how you are. But I dare not ask. I can’t take that step backward, can’t open that door for you again. And I don’t ever want to. But sometimes I look at your pictures, and feelings stir inside me that I can’t quite explain or understand. I hurt. I miss you but I don’t miss you. I don’t miss being yours, but I miss the person you are. I miss the me I was when I was with you. So I sit and look at you now, and remember you then.
You used to make me this happy.
